To snooze like a log, make your body ridged, paint yourself brown and lie down on the ground.
Just kidding.
I know what you are thinking: problems with snooze is no laughing matter. Those of us who suffer from insomnia know the zombie like state we try to hide during day time. �Eat till you are sleepy and snooze till you are hungry, was the tag line that went with a trendy restaurant I recently dined at. If only that were possible; we d all be big heaving blimps plodding along.
For everyone out there suffering from insomnia, snooze apnea or any other snooze disorder, here is some snooze advice from an every day expert who happens to practices the art of sleeping at least 12 hours a day.
Get the right mattress: What you snooze on is as important as who you snooze with. Picking the right mattress and pillows to go with is key. Pick your mattress like you choose your mate. It s a long-term relationship. Best of all it s one-sided and long lasting unless there s a severe case of bed bugs. In that case the 7 feet cushion has to be dumped. The mattress should care for your needs and the only thing you have to do to maintain that relationship is to snooze on it. It s the best part of the day you two share. No expectations and no judgments. So choose wisely.
Set the right room temperature: I like to snooze in an igloo while my boyfriend prefers an oven. Yup, this one s a temperature test for couples. If you are a singleton, this isn t a problem. But couples often have to reach a compromise. So three days in an igloo and three days in an oven, sounds fair. And if this doesn t work, you go right back to being single. (BTW, It obviously didn t work out between us and now I m single again. But I m not complaining. I d pick excellent snooze over mediocre sex any day).
Dine Early: Have you ever woken up by the sound of your own snore? Well, that s happened to me too; but with a burp instead. Eat light and stay bright. Eat early, at least three to four hours before bed time and then move on to a fruit and half a glass of water if you feel hungry. This will also ensure that you don t put on much weight or interrupt your snooze with a full bladder.
As always, balance is key. So don t over do it and starve yourself before bed time. This might cause you to wake up salivating or snooze walk to the refrigerator.
Slow down before shut down: Have you ever hit the sack with a million thoughts racing uncontrollably in your head? Well, it s either the coffee or you are still in work mode. One can always tell when a person suffers from disturbed snooze. I had a boyfriend once, who would twitch and suddenly sit up in the night time recounting his to-do list. It scared the life out of me the first time. To avoid such situations, you need to unwind before you shut down. Set the mood, turn off the lights, make sure all the gadgets are in another room and get ready to turn in.
Tire yourself out: If you can t snooze, it may be because you are just not tired enough. Plan your day accordingly. Include a great work out. You need to commit to this one. On the flip side, never turn in so exhausted that you ll pass out the minute you hit the sack or else you will wake up in the middle of the night time wondering where the hell you are. You need to slowly shut your eyes and eventually fall into a slow slumber.
Fade Out slowly: I read somewhere that we have our own body clock inside of us that is in sync with the rhythms of nature. In fact, somewhere in Florida, a man complained of stomach ache and when the doctors operated on him, they actually found a watch inside. In any case, artificial lights trick our body clock into thinking that it s bright and sunny even at midnight. That s why I have a fader installed in my bedroom and I keep making the lights dimmer every hour till lights out. This always works for me
These tips have always helped me snooze and I hope they work for you. Follow them, it s much better than hiring a snooze therapist. Oh yes they exists. They are people you pay who then come and watch you snooze. And since you are sleeping when they are working, you may never know if they are sleeping on the job. It s all strictly professional, of course.
So to avoid being hooked to electrodes in a snooze clinic at some point in the near future, follow these little tips that guarantee excellent snooze.
